Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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