You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
