literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
