Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He felt like a one man threesome
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
