he wants to bone in the snuggie
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
