Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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