she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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