he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
