I want to make a zoo with you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
