I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
