i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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