walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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