Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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