i was born a porn star she said
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
