Cold hands, warm shart.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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