im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
