her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
