I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
