This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
