listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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