I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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