Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
