We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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