Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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