he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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