Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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