i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
