dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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