that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
