It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
