help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
