Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
