The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
