i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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