yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
