It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
