Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
