This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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