he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
