I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
