While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
