trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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