You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
