That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
