A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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