Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
