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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
