So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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