How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
