Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
