Don't you send me to vm
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
